Picturing yourself as a nerd, musician, athlete, or whatever can influence you subconsciously to believe that’s the sum of what you are. If you want to change your thinking, let go of those preconceptions. [2] X Research source
Some people view certain traits as fixed, and that significantly impacts how they behave. The opposite of this is a growth mindset, which is essential if you want to change. [4] X Expert Source Jessica Elliott, ACC, CECCertified Executive Coach Expert Interview. 12 February 2020. If you have a growth mindset, you view people and things as capable of change, which is much more empowering and productive. For example, if you think you’re not good with the opposite sex, you’ll be more likely to struggle to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. But if you assume you’re not good yet, you can practice flirting and connecting with others without judgment until you actually do become a Casanova!
For example, if you’re taking a test and you start thinking, “I am going to fail,” push back by asking, “How does that help me?” “Why am I thinking I’ll fail?” and “I’ve passed tests before. Why not this one?” When the voice acts up, make it sound like Donald Duck. It’s a lot harder to take self-criticism seriously if it sounds ridiculous. Keep your head up (literally). Changing your body language can change how you feel and therefore think.
No one has to know how you feel inside. All that matters is what you do. Eventually, what you do will begin to inform the way you feel inside—not the other way around.
Research has proven that the more gratitude you express, the more likely you’ll be to experience trust, love, and joy. If you want to be happier, this is the key part of it! If you struggle with doing this consistently, keep a gratitude journal. It may feel cheesy, but the habit of writing every day may be easier to commit to.
Sign up for a speed dating event, join a volleyball intermural team, go hiking alone, or volunteer to help out at a local soup kitchen. Whatever you do, just make it brand new to you.
Anger is like a monkey on your back. It follows you everywhere you go, and you can’t move forward until you put that anger down. The trick to forgiveness is to acknowledge the harm and accept what happened. Then, realize you’re not doing yourself any favors by spending energy on that pain. Make amends by telling others you forgive them and moving on will be a breeze. If you find yourself struggling with this, consider going to counseling or seeing a therapist. They’ll help you work through whatever pain and trauma you can’t escape.
This gives you something to look forward to if you find all of this personality changing business a little exhausting. It also gives you a break so that you can be outside of yourself for a while without thinking too hard about it.
Even something as small as wearing a hat can have a huge change. Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, though.
Start small by trying to do one a every day for someone else. Help an old lady cross the street, drop a dollar in the charity jar at your local restaurant, or simply compliment a stranger on the street.
Getting off of social media also makes it difficult to compare yourself to others, since you won’t be confronted by everyone’s photos and updates.
If you’re in the habit of getting fast food every morning on your way to school, you might change your route so that you don’t come across any fast food restaurants. Start small and don’t be upset with yourself if it doesn’t work the first time. Avoiding black-and-white thinking is a key part of learning to change.
If you’re a little socially anxious, start small. Practice talking to strangers at the bus stop, ask people on the street for the time or directions, or chat up your barista when you get coffee.
With all of that said, you should still try to make safe decisions. Don’t say “yes” to any activities that might be illegal or dangerous!
This is also a great way to be more mindful of how you spend your time. If you struggle with time management, journaling is a great way to keep yourself honest without being hard on yourself.
If you don’t feel good about what you’re doing, then stop. There are no rules here that you have to 100% commit to every idea you have for yourself. Some people will decide that what they need is not a personality change, but an acceptance of who they are, or a willingness to try to improve themselves instead of a full personality makeover. It’s up to you to make that choice for yourself!
