It’s best to start positive. Write down a list of what you like about yourself. If that’s difficult, what do others say they like about you? Knowing your good qualities makes it easier to draw on them later to get rid of the habits you’re trying to kick. In one sentence, state exactly what you want. Make sure it’s what you want and not what others think you should want. If you don’t actually desire change, it won’t come. Next, make a list of reasons why you want this change. Seeing all the motivations written down in front of you–and referring to it later–will keep you on the right path.
Use “I am” statements For example, “I am a good person;” “I am a hard worker;” “I am creative. ” Use “I can” statements For example, “I can reach my full potential;” “I can become who I want to be;” “I can achieve my goals. ” Use “I will” statements For example, “I will become the person I want to be;” “I will overcome obstacles;” “I will prove to myself that I can improve my life. ”
Close your eyes. Picture your ideal future self. Where are you? What are you doing? How is your situation different? What do you look like? What specific things about your changed life are making you feel happy? Allow yourself to picture and explore very specific details of your ideal life. What does it look like? Try to conjure specific sights/sounds/smells/tastes. Concrete details will make your visualization more real. Use this positive visualization to help you set goals for how to achieve that vision of your life.
Staying realistic is the best way to tackle any daunting topic. Don’t blame yourself or others for keeping you from your goal. Setbacks are normal and will happen.
Setting smaller goals or milestones within a larger goal can help you evaluate whether you’re heading in the right direction. Rewarding yourself for reaching those milestones can help you stay motivated to keep going!
Specific (or significant) Measurable (or meaningful) Achievable (or action-oriented) Relevant (or results-oriented) Time-bound (or trackable)
For example, “be successful” is too vague. Success is not a specific attribute, and may be defined differently by different people. A more specific goal could be, “graduate with a Master’s degree in Social Work from my State University. ” This goal is far more specific.
For example, “be successful” is not measurable. You won’t know when you’re officially “successful,” and your idea of what that means may change on a daily (or even hourly) basis. On the other hand, “graduate with a Master’s degree in Social Work from my State University” is measurable; you’ll know you have reached that goal at your graduation ceremony or when you receive your diploma in the mail.
For example, a goal that may not be achievable would be to become the smartest/richest/most powerful person in the world. A more achievable goal would be to receive a college degree. For some, a more achievable goal may be to receive a GED, or high school equivalency degree.
For example, setting a goal of “graduating with a Master’s degree in Social Work from my State University” is only relevant to your life if you want to become a social worker (or find a career in a related field). If your life goal is to become a pilot, a degree in social work is less likely to help you work towards that larger goal.
For example, “graduate with a Master’s degree in Social Work from my State University in the next 5 years” is time-bound. While it’s okay to reevaluate the time your goal will take as necessary, it should have a time limit that pushes you to work to achieve your goal rather than seeing it as a vague hazy picture of what may happen “someday. ”
If you find yourself hesitating to start working towards your goal because your end goal is overwhelming, try forgetting about it and focusing instead on your first milestone goal. For example, if you want to lose 45 pounds over the course of 2 years, don’t worry about that final number of 45. Just start with your first goal, which might be losing 5 pounds. Try making a reverse calendar. If you start with the (time-bound) end goal, you should be able to work your way backwards in time, setting “milestones” or shorter goals to achieve until you get to the present day. You may have to revise your calendar a few times to fit everything in your given time frame (or you may need to reevaluate the end-time of your final goal). A reverse calendar will help give you a specific starting point and can help you make the first step, which is often the hardest.
Try not to use rewards that are counter to your progress. If your aim is to lose weight, for example, reward yourself with a new outfit or a mini-vacation, not a third helping of ice cream.
When you have experienced a milestone or “micro” goal, allow yourself to feel joy and use that to motivate you towards the next goal. If you experience a hiccup or bump in the road, let that frustration re-focus your attention on your goals. If you got near your goal, but something diverted it at the last minute, use feelings of anger to re-energize your commitment to reach the goal despite obstacles.
This is another place where “micro” or smaller goals can benefit you. If you think of going from your current state to your end goal, it’s likely to be a big, intimidating change. However, if you think of going from where you are now to your first “milestone” goal, it’s likely to be a less frightening prospect. For example, imagine that you have an office job that makes you unhappy and you set the following goal: “Become a registered nurse working in an emergency room in the next 3 years. ” Jumping straight into that environment may seem terrifying. But working towards your first goal or applying for nursing school is just slightly outside of your comfort zone. Allow yourself to feel a little uncomfortable as you work towards each new step or level of your goal, and to grow from that feeling. You are likely to surprise yourself and experience positive emotions as you gain new life experiences and work closer to your goal.
If you see yourself succumbing to your old habits, write down when, how, and why. Analyze the possible causes. Maybe you were hungry, tired, or frustrated from a day at work. Note your progress! If you had a good day, write it down! Being able to go back over the progress you made will push you to continue on.
Eating well, getting a good night’s rest, and staying active are starters to an overall good day. Setting goals that are frustrating and difficult to achieve is hard enough–you want to give yourself the best chance possible. Take care of your mind and body before you attack any bigger issue. If you don’t feel good most days, a larger problem must be addressed first. Playing mind tricks, thinking positively, and setting goals must take the back burner to your health and happiness.
If you’re making stellar progress, fantastic! Challenge yourself and set new, more difficult goals. Don’t feel guilty if you’re not hitting the marks you were originally aiming for. Reassess and aim for what’s doable. The last thing you want is to get discouraged and quit.
This should be a lifelong change. While initially it’ll take conscious effort to stay away from carbohydrates, to initiate conversations, to save money, soon enough it’ll be hard-wired into your brain and automatic.
