Here are some great general questions to ask the person in need of cheering up. Hopefully, they’ll motivate the person to talk about their feelings, helping them vent: “How does that make you feel?” “Has this ever happened to you before?” “Is there anyone specifically who you could turn to who could give you advice?” “What do you think you’ll do when it comes time to act?” “Is there any way that I can help?” (Be prepared to help them!)
Relating to someone else is all about the way you say something, not what you say. If someone tells you their father has just been diagnosed with cancer, it’s not really helpful to say: “Well if it makes you feel any better, my grandpa was just diagnosed with cancer too. ” Instead, say something like: “I know how devastating this kind of thing can be. My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer last spring, and it was gut-wrenching for me to deal with it. I can only imagine what kind of pain you’re going through right now. "
For example, if your friend had an embarrassing experience, you could remind them that it’s only temporary. [5] X Expert Source Donna Novak, Psy. DLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 8 December 2020. If your friend is struggling with depression, you could encourage them to come up with things that could help them feel better, like going out for lunch. [6] X Expert Source Donna Novak, Psy. DLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 8 December 2020. Remember, there’s rarely a single, perfect solution for a problem. Be sure to offer the person you’re comforting one option, and make sure they understand that they have other options. One way to do this is to give them advice by using words like “perhaps,” “maybe,” “might,” etc. This way they won’t feel guilty if they decide not to follow your advice. Try to be honest to them, too. The worst thing you can do to someone in such a fragile state is outright lie. If you’re talking about subjects with serious consequences, try to tell the truth, even if it might hurt. If your girlfriend is asking advice about her boyfriend who dumped her, however, it’s okay to call the boyfriend a scumbag even if he’s alright. In that case, making her feel better is more important than telling the truth. Be careful about giving unsolicited advice, or advice that people don’t ask for. The other person may not want it, and if they follow it and fail (by no fault of your own), they could blame you. [7] X Research source
Snail mail is almost becoming romantic – it’s so, so thoughtful. E-cards will do, but if you want to send them a really kind message, throw ’em a card in the mail. They certainly won’t be expecting it!
A gift doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, or even be a physical thing, to have an impact. Take them to your secret thinking spot, or show them how to fold an origami crane. Small gestures like these are often more priceless than something you can buy in a store. Offer them something old and cared for. An old heirloom or keepsake is emotionally resonant because you’ve held on to it for a long time, and therefore cherish it. Old items are also symbol messages that life moves on, even when we can’t imagine that it will.
Don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself. Making fun of the person you’re cheering up is hard. Making fun of yourself is easy: Highlight a time when you embarrassed yourself, did something stupid, or got caught in a situation where you were way over your head. Your friend will appreciate the humor.
Think about what that person loves the most in the world and see if you can’t surprise them with it. Maybe they love food; so surprise them with dinner, or get them cooking classes. Maybe they love movies or musicals; so surprise them with a movie night or tickets to a show.
Embrace your social-savviness to gauge where they are on the cheering-up process. If your friend is mid-bawl, it’s not the time to ask them if they want to hear about your day. But if s/he just had an argument with mom and seems to have cooled down a bit, feel ’em out. It’s all about timing. You could encourage them to listen to a podcast, or invite them to go for a walk. [8] X Expert Source Donna Novak, Psy. DLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.
It doesn’t have to be to a club or bar. Being social isn’t always the answer. Heck, a trip to the local dog park might bombard them with enough cuteness that their mind goes elsewhere. Whatever you can see your friend being distracted by, do it. It’s good for them, whether they want to stay in their pjs or not.
Use your creativity and finesse to tackle their blues. Sing them a song at the top of your lungs. Take them along on a hike. Force your kitten on them. What’s in your tool belt of skills? Employ them.
There’s almost always a silver lining to a problem. We sometimes don’t want to look at it, but it’s usually there. Here are a few ways to think about some common problems in a more positive manner:[12] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source My partner/significant other broke up with me. “Don’t worry about someone who doesn’t value you completely as a person. If s/he doesn’t get how special you are, they probably don’t deserve you. There are plenty of other eligible people out there who will. " Someone in my family/social circle died. “Death is natural by-product of life. While you can’t bring the person back, you can celebrate how much they affected your life, and perhaps how much you changed theirs. Be grateful for the time you did get to spend with them. " I lost my job. “Your job is an important reflection of who you are, but it’s not the whole picture. Think of the lessons you learned while at your job, and try to find ways to apply them to your next job in the future. Finding a job is all about working harder than everyone else. Be motivated to show employers how much more qualified you are than everyone else. " I don’t have confidence in myself. “You have so much to be confident about. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses; it’s what makes us unique and beautiful. I like you just the way you are. I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t have just as much confidence as the person next door. " I don’t know what’s wrong, I just know I feel bad. “It’s okay to feel blue. Our happy moments are made even brighter by the darker ones. Don’t force it if you don’t feel like it, but think of how lucky you are compared to other people. That always manages to help me. "
Help them out and do as much as you can for them, so they still know that someone cares. This builds trust. They know they can rely on you. Do this, always, with a smile. Offer to take their mind off of it with an activity, like going to the movies, going on a hike, swimming, or gaming. If they don’t want to be distracted, don’t pester them about it: You can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. Stay happy, stay dedicated, and stay available until they want to sort things out or forget about it.
And yet there are times when people should be sad. It’s not logical to expect a girl whose father died three months ago to all of a sudden snap out of it. Each person is different and their timeline of grief is as unique to them as their fingerprints. If they’re still grieving from an event, the only thing you can do is stay by their side. That speaks for itself.
