For example, a couple wherein one partner likes watching pro wrestling on Monday nights and one partner likes watching nature documentaries at the same time will probably be able to make things work (especially if they agree to buy a DVR). On the other hand, if one partner wants to buy a house and the other doesn’t or one partner wants to be a “swinger” and the other doesn’t, these are major roadblocks to long-term happiness.
In the U. S. , most people want children,[1] X Research source but this is by no means universal, so don’t make assumptions about your partner until you know for sure.
To be clear, people from different races, religions, and cultures are perfectly capable of having happy life-long relationships. For instance, in the U. S. , interracial couples are more common today than ever before. [2] X Research source
As an example of the sorts of financial decisions couples have to make, consider this: in a couple where one partner wants to spend his late 20s and early 30s taking lots of trips and exploring the world and the other partner wants to spend this time building a successful career and saving to buy a house, both partners may not be able to get their way.
For example, for some couples with children, it’s very important for one parent to be a full-time caretaker. For others, it’s OK if a nanny fills the gaps. Similarly, some people may want to live near their parents and visit frequently, while others may want more independence.
You’ll need to consider questions in all areas of lifestyle choices. For instance, do you two have the same attitude about money? Do they have any issues from their past that may pop up? Will they be supportive and understanding if you wish to change or advance your career? To be clear, these types of questions aren’t necessarily things you should ask at your first date. Asking very personal questions early on can be a major turn-off that can sabotage your efforts to start a relationship with someone. However, these types of major lifestyle questions are probably things that you’ll want to know the answer to within, say, the first six months of your relationship.
What did you like about your partner? What did you enjoy doing the most with your partner? What did you disagree with your partner about? What did you criticize your partner for? What did your partner criticize you for? Why did the relationship end?
Do I want to have children? Where do I want to live? Do I want to work or manage the home (or both?) Do I want my relationship to be an exclusive one? What do I want to accomplish before I die? What kind of lifestyle do I want to have?
Most important of all, love yourself, flaws and all. You can’t expect someone to love you if you can’t love yourself. If you try to have a lifelong relationship when you have a negative self-image, you’re likely to self-sabotage and hurt the people closest to you, so sort this important first step out before you continue.
For example, it’s OK to ask your partner (politely, of course) to start taking the garbage out sometimes — this is a reasonable place to look for compromise. However, it’s not OK to expect your partner to suddenly decide to want kids if they don’t already — this is a deeply personal decision that can’t reasonably be undone.
For example, while it’s perfectly OK to dress a little fancier than you normally would for your first few dates, you wouldn’t want to pretend that you’re agnostic when you actually are quite religious just to make your date happy. Misleading your partner about yourself — either by lying or omitting information about yourself — is an act of deception that, for many people, can be difficult to recover from.
You’ll probably also want to see if this person gets along with the people who are close to you (and vice versa). Bring your partner to your social engagements and introduce them to your friends and family. If your partner gets along well with these people, you have one less thing to worry about.
You’ll definitely want to avoid becoming intimately involved with a potential partner until you get to know the person. While it’s certainly possible to turn a casual relationship into something more serious, sexual intimacy shouldn’t be the foundation for long-term happiness. Though sexual attraction and compatibility are key to a good long-term relationship, waiting allows you to gain a better understanding of whether you are compatible.
When it comes to making sacrifices for the good of your relationship, small things, like minor personal habits and behaviors, should be on the table. However, major life goals usually shouldn’t be, as a serious disagreement about one of these can be a sign that two people are incompatible. For example, deciding to go out drinking with your friends less often is a reasonable sacrifice to make if you have a spouse and children. On the other hand, deciding not to have children when you desperately want them isn’t something you should put yourself through.
Most dating “experts” will recommend a proactive approach to dating. Some even rank it as high as your career in terms of the effort you should spend on it!
Even solitary hobbies can lead to opportunities to meet people! Love reading comic books and playing video games? Attend a convention! Love painting? Host an exhibition! Like writing? Attend a writer’s workshop! There are exciting activities for almost every interest out there, so start searching!
As an added bonus, confidence is generally considered quite sexy![5] X Research source Fearless confidence is a self-reinforcing trait that makes you much more attractive to potential partners: the more confidently you approach dating situations, the more relaxed you’ll be during them, the better time you’ll have, and the more confident you’ll be when you approach the next situation.
