Even if you think you’re safe, you might feel nervous. It’s okay to take your time. There’s no rush. If you aren’t sure if someone might be accepting, try bringing up LGBT+ issues in conversation, without mentioning your own identity. Listen to their opinion. This can give you a sense of whether they would respect you. You don’t owe your parents personal information about themselves, especially if they would use that information to abuse you. It’s okay to stay closeted in order to protect your life, health, safety, or future (e. g. college funds). Telling coworkers that you’re trans could result in discrimination at work, or even being fired for other “unrelated” reasons. This isn’t right or fair, but it does happen to some people.
If you are a minor, the coming out process may be more challenging since your parents are still legally responsible for you. If you are concerned that your parents will not be accepting, consider talking first with a friend or family member who you can trust. You may want to have someone on your side before coming out to your parents. Focus on preparing to come out to trusted and loving friends and family first. You don’t need to come out to everyone all at once. Be strategic and tell those who are likely to be your allies first.
Find literature or reading materials in your community or online. There may be LBGT community centers or youth groups in your area that provide information and helpful brochures. Learn about ways that your friends and family can be your allies via GLAAD: http://www. glaad. org/transgender/allies Understand your equal rights as a transgender person via the National Center for Transgender Equality: http://www. transequality. org/ Find support as a LGBTQ youth about your coming out concerns via The LGBT National Help Center: 888-843-4564 or http://www. lgbthotline. org If your concerns about your gender identity are making you feel suicidal, contact The Trevor Project: 866-488-7386 or http://www. thetrevorproject. org/ or The Trans Lifeline: http://www. translifeline. org or 877-565-8860
A letter can help you to focus on what you want to say without interruption. If you use a letter as a framework for coming out, it allows for the possibility of revision until you feel more comfortable with what you want to say. For example, let’s say your tone is at times angry about being hurt in the past, and feeling unloved. Consider revising it to focus on how you are a stronger and more confident person about who you are, and what feels right for you. Sometimes a letter can reduce the pressure of face-to-face conversations, and can be useful if the person who you’re coming out to is far away. For example, “I know it has been a while since we last saw each other. I hope that we can see each other soon, and I can tell you more about what I’ve been going through. I have been struggling with my identity for many years. I want to be able to talk openly in the future about what I’m going through. " Consider having this letter handy when the day comes that you meet and talk in person about coming out.
Find a private room or space where you can practice. Consider practicing with someone who you trust and who you’ve already come out to. Don’t try to rush and say everything at once. Pace yourself, and allow the audience to process each part of what you have to say.
Choose a time that won’t feel rushed or shortened by other activities, events, or obligations. You don’t want people to be distracted. Consider places that aren’t at school or at work. Avoid spaces where there are people you know and don’t trust.
It’s your life, and you can decide how, and in what ways, to come out. Be uniquely who you are and share from your experiences with being a transgender person. For example, you might share about what has been a struggle for you, such as feeling out of place among your peers. If coming to terms with being transgender has been a relief for you, then share this as well. Be thoughtful in how you describe and understand yourself as a transgender person. When talking about yourself as transgender, speak firmly with confidence. Be willing to be flexible and responsive to what others have to say. Consider saying, “I am confident that I am transgender. I know that you may have questions or not know what to say. That’s okay. I’m open to listening. "
While it may be nerve-racking at first, being honest with yourself and others about who you are can be deeply gratifying and make you feel better over time. Be accepting that others may not understand this process in the same way. Be patient with others who may want to help, but have ignorance about what you’re going through. For example, if someone says, “You don’t seem like someone who’s transgender,” be patient, and explore what being transgender means to you, rather than trying to correct them. Focus on how to remain calm, centered, and relaxed. Do things that help to relieve stress in healthy ways before you plan to talk about coming out.
Be open to answering their questions, no matter how small or odd the questions may seem. If you are not sure of how to answer, then provide them with resources or reading materials to help them. Give them time to respond, and understand that their first reactions may not represent how they feel later on. Sometimes shock or confusion can affect how a person responds. Consider that some people may react out of ignorance, be concerned for your safety, or try to change your mind. Tell them you are taking the process of coming out seriously and have thought about their concerns.
“How long have you felt this way?” “I’ve known ever since I was 14. I realized I’d be much happier if I got to be a boy. " “Why did you choose this?” “I can’t choose how I feel about my gender, any more than you can. But I can choose to either hide myself, or to do what makes me happy. And this will make me so much happier than hiding would. I hope I’ll have your support. " “Does this mean you’re a drag queen/king?” “No, drag is a performance that people do for fun. But this is very real for me. It’ll impact my health and happiness. " “Are you sure this is right?” “I’ve thought about it for a while, and the idea of trying to be [wrong gender] just makes me feel sad/awful/sick/hopeless. I feel like I’d be much happier and more confident if I could live as a [correct gender]. " “Am I a bad parent? Did I cause this somehow?” “No, I’m pretty sure I was born this way. If you were a bad parent, then I would be too scared to ever tell you this. But I’m telling you this because I trust you, and I want you to be part of my life. " “Will this change things?” “Not a ton, necessarily. I’m still the same person, and I still love you just the same. You just understand me better now. And the transition will probably help me be less grumpy/sad/irritable/whatever too, because I’ll have a lot more fun when I get to be myself. " “I’m worried. I’ve heard that awful things can happen to trans people. " “I know. I’ve read the research. I’ve also seen the research saying that trans people are much happier and healthier when they come out and are accepted by the community. Support can prevent many of those awful things from happening. I hope you can help me through this, so I can live my best life. " “I don’t understand this. I want to help, but I don’t know how. " “That’s okay. We’ll work it out together. I’ll tell you how you can help me through this. The biggest thing I need is your love and support. "
“Thank you for listening. I’ll be leaving now. " “I don’t think this conversation is going anywhere. I’ll talk to you later. "
Decide how you want to come out. Would you like to include a photo in your coming out post? Would you prefer a simple “I’m trans”, or a longer paragraph? It’s up to you. Just write what comes from the heart. After you post, remember to like and reply to all positive comments. Don’t respond to negative comments, if you get them. Delete them, and block/report if it feels right. You may lose followers. (Sometimes, the trash takes itself out. ) The people who remain are the more positive ones.
Finding advice and support in person can be reassuring and helpful as you continue to come out and let others know about your gender identity. Understand that even if your friends or family have not personally experienced what it is like to come out as transgender, they may have personal struggles with their own identities. For example, ask them, “Have you ever faced feeling like you didn’t belong or fit in?” Feeling different or misunderstood is something that everyone goes through from time to time in their lives. Use this as a way to connect with others who feel this way, rather than distance yourself.
Talk with your doctor about making physical changes to your body. This may involve hormone replacement therapy or surgery. Talk with your doctor about a possible referral to a specialist in these types of medical procedures. Ask, “I am considering transitioning as a man (or woman) and want know about the medical treatments available in this area. Can you help me or make a referral?”
Some LGBT+ groups have counseling centers, and may offer individual or group therapy. [7] X Expert Source Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSCLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
Find online forums or support groups. This can be helpful if you’re not yet ready to talk with people face-to-face. Find community centers in your area. Go to CenterLink and find a directory of centers: http://www. lgbtcenters. org/ Find peer support and counselors to talk with by phone or by chat. Go to the LGBT National Help Center: http://www. lgbthotline. org/
