Find somewhere that has no or few people so that your friend doesn’t have to worry about anyone unwanted seeing them upset and so you don’t disturb anyone. This may mean going to another room, outside, etc. If needed, find somewhere safe where your friend can release their feelings without getting hurt or damaging anything. You may need to go to a room that doesn’t have a lot furniture or an open space outside. If you are on the phone with your friend, ask them are they somewhere that they feel safe and comfortable. If not, and if possible, go pick them up and take them somewhere else.
If necessary, give them space to safely release any physical tension they may be feeling. Try not to tell them to stop crying, or yelling, etc. unless it seems that they are getting more upset. If you are on the phone with them, just listen and wait while they release their emotions. Occasionally, say things like, “I’m here for you” so that they will know you are still on the line.
Sometimes body language is obvious. For example, are they crying? Are they sweating or shaking? Is your friend punching the air or pacing the room? Sometimes body language can be more subtle. Is their body tense or rigid? Hands clinched? Is their jaw tightened? Are their eyes red or puffy as if they were recently crying?
It may be difficult for your friend to tell you what’s wrong if there are a lot of distractions for you and them. Try to go somewhere quiet, if you aren’t already in a quiet place. Turn off your electronic devices or at least put them on silent mode. It can be distracting when your phone is beeping, pinging, and ringing every few seconds.
Try to clear your mind so that you aren’t thinking about anything that might distract you. Focus on just listening to your friend and taking in what they are telling you. Use your body language to let them know they have your attention. Turn towards them. Look at them. Tell them that they have your attention. Try saying, “You have my full attention and I’m here for you. ”
Assure them that you are there when they are ready to talk about it, and create trust. Try saying something like, “There’s no rush, I’m here for you. You can tell me when you are ready. ” Sit quietly with them until they are ready to talk to you. Your friend may also make small talk while they are building up their courage to tell you what happened.
Listen to what your friend is saying, as well as how it is being said. A lot of times the way someone says something can tell you as much as what they say. Try not to interrupt a lot or make them feel rushed. Sometimes it is hard for people to talk about the things that are upsetting them. Think about what they are telling you, not how you are going to respond to what they are saying.
This can help you really understand what happened that has your friend upset. You can say things like, “So what you’re saying is…” or “So, in other words, what happened was…” This also lets your friend know you are truly listening and care about what they are telling you.
It can make your friend feel like you really don’t understand or care how bad the situation is making them feel. It can sound like you are calling them a “crybaby” or implying that they are upset over nothing. [2] X Research source Instead, say things like, “I can understand that you are upset” or “I see why you are upset”.
Ask your friend if they would like advice or feedback rather than providing unsolicited advice. [4] X Research source You can tell them about a similar situation you have been through to comfort them. [5] X Research source
If they don’t want to, then don’t press it. That might cause them to become more upset. Let it go for now. Try to discourage them from doing anything that could disturb or destroy evidence of the incident (for example, deleting texts, taking a shower or bath, etc. ). When it seems okay, bring up going to the authorities again. Let your friend know there are professionals that can protect them (if needed) and help them cope with what happened. You can try saying,”I really think we need to talk to [the police, a doctor, etc. ] about this. They can help you get through this. Why don’t we call them together?”
First, make sure your friend is okay with physical contact! For example, you might say, “Is it okay if I give you a hug?” or “Is it all right if I hold you?”. Physical contact can be very comforting, but ask your friend if they are okay with hugging, cuddling, or any other type of touching before you do it. Contact can make people feel better, but if they don’t want it, don’t do it.
For example, take a brief walk, jog, go for a swim, or bike ride. Do yoga, tai chi, or some simple stretching.
Offer, or just take them, to do something that they like. Go for ice cream or a movie. Get them involved in a project, for example, sorting clothes to donate or gardening. Find something humorous like a funny meme, video clip, etc. to try to lighten your friend’s mood a bit.
