Touch can also soothe someone’s fight or flight response. If you’ve ever seen someone get so angry they want to fight, they often calm down when a friend holds them back and gives them a bear hug. [3] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
This is often the case for people who grow up with parents who relied more on verbal praise or gifts as rewards or comfort. If parents don’t communicate the idea that a hug means you love someone, they may not grow up craving physical contact.
If they’re in your immediate family, you’re dating, or you’ve been good friends for a while, it’s safe to assume you can touch them. Keep in mind, the person could go from needing physical comfort to not wanting to be touched in the matter of a few seconds, so be prepared to stop if they need some space. If you two don’t normally hug, slap each other’s backs, or playfully touch one another, it probably isn’t appropriate to start touching them now.
“Can I give you a hug?” or, “Do you want a hug?” “What can I do to make you feel better?” “I’m totally here if you need a shoulder to cry on. ” “Do you mind if I just sit here for a minute and put my arm around you?”
Witness their feelings. Just hear them. A lot of people need someone to listen to them when they’re going through something difficult, and that’s it. Tell them you’re sorry for what they’re going through. You might say, “I really wish there was something I could do, I know you’re going through a lot. ” Only offer advice if they solicit it from you. Giving your perspective when they’re trying to share their feelings is often unhelpful.
As a rule of thumb, keep your hand up high. A hand on the lower back can be interpreted as a romantic move.
If they’re hunched over, looking at the ground, they may really appreciate someone showing them some support like this.
This is a little too playful if they’re going through something truly serious, but if they’re just annoyed or feeling a little blue, it’s a fun way to show your support.
If you aren’t super close, aim to let go after about 3 seconds, which is the standard length of time for a hug. [14] X Research source
Keep holding them like this until they pull away, or either of you are no longer comfortable.
You can absolutely hold someone’s hand if they’re a family member or platonic friend, but most people are likely to be a little confused. This is generally a very intimate move reserved for couples.
