Ask first to be sure hugging is an appropriate way to comfort your friend; some people do not like such physical gestures. Hold your friend close and rub her back. If she cries, let her cry into you.

Say something like “It looks like you are having a hard time right now, and I want you to know that I’m here to listen if you want to vent” or “If you need to cry, you go right ahead”. Psychologists insist that experiencing negative emotions is just as important as feeling positive states. Negative feelings teach us so much about the natural ups and downs of life. Therefore, expressing negative feelings, as opposed to suppressing them, can be instrumental to overall mental health. [3] X Research source

Don’t come with a specific agenda; just be present. Your friend may not feel up to doing anything or may feel overwhelmed about making any decisions. But, it’s smart to have a few ideas ready in case she wants to do something. [4] X Research source The best thing you can do is to let them know you are there to help them. [5] X Research source [6] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 28 August 2020. Respect their decision if they decline your help. [7] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 28 August 2020. Be a listener instead of being a speaker to ensure that you do not say anything offensive. [8] X Research source [9] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 28 August 2020.

For example, you might bring over a comfy blanket for your friend to curl up under, a pleasant distraction in the form of a boxed set of your favorite DVDs (if she feels like watching), or a half-gallon of her favorite ice cream to share as she vents to you.

Or, you can call over and ask “I know with all that’s going on, you probably haven’t had time to get groceries or household items. What can I bring you from the store?” List items might include disposable plates and napkins if they will be entertaining visitors as well as facial tissues and herbal tea like chamomile.

Your voicemail might sound like “Hey, X, I’m really sorry about what happened. I understand that you may be busy or not want to talk right now. But, I wanted to call and tell you that I’m thinking of you and I’m here if you need anything. " Many people often have no idea what to say to a friend who is grieving or upset, so they choose to say nothing. [12] X Research source Even if you don’t have all the right words, your friend will appreciate you thinking of her and acknowledging that what she’s going through is important.

Leave a message or confirm with your friend that you will check on her often. For example, say something like “I will call back on Tuesday after work to check on you. ”

After your friend has finished talking, summarize what you have heard and then make a statement that will reassure her that though you can’t wave a magic wand and heal everything, you were listening and will be there for her. Even a reflective statement, such as “I hear that you are sad about ___. I feel awful that this is happening to you, but I hope you know I’ll be here for you,” can do a lot for someone.

For example if your friend is going through a breakup, you might send some comfort foods and trashy magazines to take her mind off it. If she has lost a loved one, you might send a collection of uplifting quotes or Bible verses or a book about finding hope after a loss.

Empathy involves acknowledging the other person’s painful feelings by trying to put yourself in her shoes. [14] X Research source Even if you think you know what it’s like, refrain from generalizing what the experience is like To your friend, this is new, raw, and painful. To offer support and empathy, say “I can see that you are hurting. I wish there was something I could do. ”

Everything happens for a reason Time heals all wounds It was meant to be It could be worse What’s done is done The more things change, the more they stay the same