If you are wrong, and throw out an accusation like this, it could damage your relationship. If you are right, but don’t know it yet for sure, it’ll be your word against his should he decide to lie about having an affair.
For example, if he is checking his phone right in front of you, peer over and see if you notice him texting with a woman. See if the texts seem flirty or inappropriate. Try to see whether he smells of different kinds of perfume after he comes home. See if he openly communicates around you or whether he slinks off to the corner of the house to make phone calls or send text messages. Keep track of his stories and look for inconsistencies. It takes him effort to keep track of lies and he may make mistakes upon repeating a story about his whereabouts. Write down what he says so you’re sure you aren’t fooling yourself if you think he is changing his story.
Based on the evidence you have, think about what he might try to say to convince you he is not actually cheating. For example, if you find some emails that are about him getting a drink with a co-worker and it seems flirty but it is somewhat ambiguous as to whether he cheated, ask yourself whether this combined with what else you know about the situation is convincing enough or whether you should wait to find out more.
Your friend can offer you moral support to buffer against the stress and, possibly, guidance. [2] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
The relationship to end? The relationship to heal?
If you confront him while you are intoxicated, you may become violent or not be able to remember the details of the conversation later on. Alcohol and other drugs have been implicated in many cases of domestic violence. [4] X Research source
For example, you might say, “I wouldn’t throw this out there lightly, but I’m really worried that you’ve been showing behaviors that suggest to me that you may be having an affair and I want to talk about that with you. " If you find yourself getting worked up, try taking a few deep breaths in and out. Try to remind yourself that although the pain may be near unbearable now, all emotional pain heals over time. [6] X Research source
Try to be as rational and logical as possible and re-affirm that his behavior led you to become concerned and that you felt it was warranted to poke around given how serious cheating is.
Try to gauge whether he seems sincere; go with your gut instinct here. If it seems like he is just telling you what you want to hear, be wary.
For example, if he admits to having a sex addiction and has convincing evidence that he in fact does and he genuinely wants to repair the relationship, you might decide to change your mind and attempt a repair[11] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source .
If it is difficult to have the conversation away from them, go out for dinner with your husband. Instead of actually going to dinner though, find a quiet bench where you can sit and talk and have the conversation.
To find a couples or marriage counselor try searching the internet with the terms “couples + counselor” in the search box.
