It’s easy to get blinded by emotions, so take your time to think about the situation logically. Also, try to consider how your friend might feel about the situation. Consider if the incident you want to confront your friend about was a one-time thing or if it was representative of her normal behavior. You can still confront your friend if the situation only happened once, but be careful about blowing a small problem out of proportion. Take your friend’s intentions into account when deciding whether to confront her and what to say. Keep in mind that she may have no idea that her actions are harmful to you and confronting her might be the only way to make her realize that.
Remember that keeping negative feelings to yourself could cause you to feel resentful towards your friends and could drive you away from her. You don’t want to let this situation get between you and your friend, so be honest with her. If you are confronting your friend about some kind of destructive behavior, such as drug or alcohol abuse, she might really need you and her other friends to tell her how her problems are affecting you.
Write down the emotions you are experiencing as a result of the situation. This will prepare you to explain these emotions to your friend. [2] X Research source Think of specific examples to discuss with your friend. Your conversation will likely not go anywhere if you aren’t able to express exactly what it is that you are upset about. Be honest with yourself about whether you have contributed to the conflict at all. If you have, be ready to admit that to your friend.
Consider rehearsing with another friend and asking his or her opinion about how well you expressed yourself. [4] X Research source You may want to think about responses that your friend is likely to have to you, and decide in advance what you will say in return. If you’re worried about forgetting everything you want to say, write it down. This can be a great way to keep your conversation on track and make sure you cover all the major points. While preparing is a good thing, don’t make yourself crazy by over-preparing. Accept the fact that you will not be able to predict everything your friend will say and be prepared to respond to your friend honestly. [5] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
Avoid the temptation to have the conversation over the phone, by email, or by text message. Face-to-face conversations are always best for important topics. Avoid distractions by putting your phone away and asking your friend to do the same. If you attempt to confront your friend and she says that now is not a good time, don’t get upset. Simply tell her that the conversation is important and ask her when would be a better time.
You can try acknowledging that she might feel hurt by the conversation by saying something such as, “I need to talk to you about something that you might find upsetting, but please hear me out and know that I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. "
In addition to understanding what you are confronting her about, your friend also needs to understand why you are confronting her. If you are worried for your friend’s well-being, let her know. If your friend has hurt your feelings, tell her that you need to talk about the issue to keep your friendship strong.
When framing your sentences, use “I” more than “you. " You should be the subject of the majority of your sentences because you are talking about your feelings. For example, say, “I feel angry when you do that” instead of “You make me angry. "
There’s no shame in crying as you contemplate the conflict and its effects on your friendship. Some things just hit too close to home, and that’s alright.
If you don’t know how to respond to something, just tell your friend that you need some more time to think about what she said. Avoid interrupting your friend. Be respectful of her feelings by letting her finish what she needs to say before you start responding.
Watch your facial expressions too. Even if you don’t agree with something your friend says, don’t roll your eyes. This is just as confrontational as yelling.
If appropriate for the situation, set clear ground rules so that you both know exactly what kind of behavior the other finds upsetting. If, for example, your friend has called you a name that you find offensive, consider saying, “I find it hurtful when you call me names, even if you are just kidding. Please don’t call me names that insult my intelligence again. "
Even if the conversation doesn’t go well, don’t be negative. If you find that your friend isn’t interested in having the conversation, say something like, “I only want to have this conversation because I care about you and I want to continue being friends. Whenever you want to talk, I’ll be ready. "
If your friend repeats the behavior that upset you, consider pointing it out to her right away by saying something like, “I feel hurt by what you just did/said and I feel like it is similar to what we have discussed before. How do you feel?” She might not have even realized that she was doing it. Don’t let it build up without talking to her again.
