If your friend is trying to wriggle away, then clearly he or she doesn’t want you touching them. Be respectful of them and you’re doing just fine.

If your friend isn’t saying much, you can say, “Do you want to talk?” or “What’s up?” Either your friend wants to talk about it and needs a little prodding, or he or she is just so upset that they aren’t ready to talk yet, and all you have to do is be there. [5] X Research source You can make little comments like, “That must be so hard” or “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. . . " but don’t overdo it. Don’t say things like “Oh, I have been through that so many times!” Just be quiet and listen – this isn’t about you at all. Say “I’m here for you” or “I hear you’re upset. “[6] X Expert Source Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MACLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 22 July 2021.

Your friend may be so upset that he or she isn’t looking out for his or her health or comfort. That’s where you come in. Take it off their already crowded plate. Do not think that your friend will feel better if you open a bottle of wine or bring over a six pack. Alcohol is never the solution if a friend is upset– it is literally classified as a depressant.

If your friend mopes about a short-term break-up for way too long, then you can deal with it later. But, in the first moments, you should be a friend, not a bully. Don’t offer insensitive, useless comments like, “It’s not the end of the world,” “You’ll get over it,” or “It’s really not that big of a deal. "

To be honest, you probably don’t know the best course of action either. Unless you’re a trained psychiatrist or have first-hand experience, you’re just as in the dark as them. You can say simple things like, “You should get some rest,” or “Drink some chamomile tea and you’ll feel better” just to offer your friend some minor comfort, but don’t say things like, “I think you should call Bill right now and sort things out,” or “I think you should apply to grad school right away. " You’re just making it up on the spot, whether you admit it or not.

Saying, “I can’t imagine how you feel” is better than “I know exactly what you’re going through. . . " You don’t know exactly what they’re going through – you’re not them! Sure, it can be comforting for your friend to know that someone else had been through the same situation and survived, but if this is the case, you have to phrase it delicately. Be more reassuring, “you’re an amazing person, and you can handle this,” then self-assured, “I got through this exact thing, so you can too. "

If you think your friend is in danger of harming himself or herself, you must stick around whether they want it or not.

If they say nothing, then just let them be, already! They’re not playing games, they want to be alone. If your friend thinks that you’re doing so much for him or her and feels bad about it, remind that friend of a time when he or she was there for you when you really needed it. That’s what friends are for, aren’t they?

Obviously, if your friend is absolutely devastated, then humor is not your best bet.

Your friend may say something like, “I don’t want to hang out because I’m just going to be a major downer. . . " and you can say, “That’s ridiculous! I love hanging out with you no matter what. " Your friend may be hanging out in his cave-like bedroom. Just getting him or her out of the house and into some fresh air, even if you’re only walking to the coffee shop down the street, will do him good physically and mentally.

They aren’t a helpless little puppy, but they do need some coddling and support if they are particularly upset. Don’t treat them like a baby, treat them like a friend who just needs an extra leg to stand on.

Be slicker than, “I’m just calling to see how you’re doing. " Make up an excuse to call, like asking if your friend has seen your brown coat, and then end up asking your friend to lunch. Or just tell them a story from your day! Again – this is simple stuff when you really think about it – you’re just being a good friend!

Make an effort to clear up your schedule and to devote more time to being there for your friend. He or she will be grateful for the effort you have made to make him or her feel better. Don’t give up your life for theirs. At the end of the day, this is their baggage to work through. You are there as support, not as a savior.